Secrets

My good friend posts every Sunday a link...called Postsecrets. It's a collection of postcards from people with their secrets, and tonight was the first time I checked it out. I couldn't stop reading them. Each one different about love, life, failures, religion and well secrets. It fascinates me knowing what each person is thinking, or has thought about. Each person something different and yet some of them have crossed my mind. It was kind of reassuring that I'm not alone, or that I am not the only person with secrets. We go through life with blinders on, well at least I do thinking that I'm all alone and no one understands. Some secrets can't be shared afraid of judgement. I've always wondered looking at a person in the store, or passing a stranger if they had a secret what it would be.  Amazing that we get to have our own thoughts, and whether we share them with anyone or not is our choice. But if anyone that reads this has a secret they want to share I'd love to hear it JUDGEMENT FREE. We are human.

Holidays

So the "holidays" are here. I have to say that Christmas is not one of my favorites I used to HATE Christmas! It has gotten a little easier with help from my husband and kids. Beau makes sure EVERY year that we have a Christmas...he works so hard for us and I am so grateful. The look on Isaac's face is priceless the magic of Santa Claus. There's nothing like putting in a Christmas movie, snuggled up in our bed, snow falling outside, enjoying the quiet before the excitement of Christmas morning arrives. I can't help think of the less fortunate, so  we have been working on giving as well. I will always want him to know how important it is to give and not just receive. Santa also helps keeps Isaac doing what he's supposed to do. I know I'm a terrible mom threatening to call Santa if he disobeys but for 2-3 months or more a year a moms gotta do what a moms gotta do. I hate that Beau usually works Christmas Eve, or Christmas day, or BOTH. But if it weren't for him I don't know what we'd do. He is an amazing father and husband.
Thanksgiving is in.....2 days yes I am counting down! Beau has another talent that I am grateful for, he is an amazing cook and LOVES to cook his own turkey. I help with the other stuff but his turkeys are unbelievably good!! So I am counting down to a day off with my wonderful husband, kids, and lots of good food. I have a lot to be grateful for. So..... Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Time Out.....

Lately I feel like I should be distancing myself more and more from people. No matter how hard I try to please people it's not enough, or not the right thing. I keep trying to make people happy because it makes me happy to know I have helped someone or brightened their day. It seems it has gotten harder and harder to do. I am frustrated and worn out. I'm broken and bruised. I wear a plastic smile quite well. No one would see the defeat.  I feel selfish for even writing about it, but I have finally reached that limit. So I am apologizing in advance if I haven't been able to be the person, friend, sister, daughter, wife, or mom you've needed. I'm sorry if what you've needed from me isn't or wasn't good enough. I don't want a pity trip either. But  I am going taking a second even if it's A second.... to breathe. I can't keep giving and be left standing alone. Pieces of me have been taken and there's no one around. Maybe I'm expecting too much, setting myself up for failure. I know I'll soon be fine, but for now I need some time....for me.