So I've started a blog again. Not sure how often I'll be able write, but I used to write all the time. So... super rusty, and making no sense I figured just to relieve some craziness, I would write stuff down.
Thoughts for today...
Feel a little lost. I love my children and my husband. My life would be NOTHING without them. They are my everything. When life strips you of joy and darkness seems to consume, the sweet sound of a child saying mom or the angelic sound of their laughter, the sparkle in their eyes to see you, and a smile to melt your heart, they are the shining light. Children love you for you. They don't judge, so innocent and pure. My children have brought me such happiness, I can't imagine a life without them. Which brings me to my current struggle...I want so badly to be the perfect mom and it just isn't panning out like I hope it would. When it was just me and Isaac I could give him the attention he needed and craved. Since having Kaylee I haven't been able to spend every second with him and he is acting out. I feel like all I do all day is yell at him! People say look for the good and compliment him. I do, I have, just isn't enough. He argues EVERYTHING I say even the obvious...I have blues eyes and he'd look me in the eyes and say no they are black (I know what he means but that's not the point). I told him we are going on vacation not tomorrow but the next day and he said no we are going the next day meaning tomorrow which isn't true and he continued to argue for a good five minutes!! I finally said "stop arguing with me! I know when we are going! If you know when we are going why did you ask me!?" Not only is he arguing he's become very aggressive...he is getting stronger the bigger he gets, scares me to think what 16 is going to be like. He won't listen, and is on a huge power trip saying I'm not in charge his dad is. Breaks my heart! Before Kaylee he was an angel! He helped out, did what he was told, and would tell me ALL THE TIME he loved me and I was his favorite. If I was in another room he'd say "mom!!" I would reply and he'd say "I love you", just to know I was still there. I'd never want him to feel replaced, or unimportant. He is the beautiful, amazing, and he's my Isaac his own little person, with is own little personality, and I feel like I am losing him. I know I am not alone but it's hard to bare. Every time something like this happens I flash back to the day he was born and the nurse placing him on my stomach and his little hand clenching onto my finger not even crying just trying to focus on my face, how amazing and beautiful he was. I knew at that moment I had a purpose to my life. Another piece of my heart had been found after being lost for so long. What do I do!? I can't let him do whatever he wants and I can't continue yelling at him. I feel like I am failing as a parent. Just kills me. Heaven give me the strength and guide me to being a better mom.
I can relate to this post in so many ways. I strive to be the "perfect mom" but I am not. My tub needs to be scrubbed and we don't read bedtime stories very often anymore.(amung a HUGE lists of other things I see as "failing my children" Some days I yell too much and other days just seem to pass by.
ReplyDeleteIt is kind of ironic because I often define "perfect mothers" by what people around me do. And then I will be talking to them and they will say "WOW, I never do that, you are such a great Mom, I wish I could be like you" All teh while I am thinking if I could only be like them, I would be a better mother.
I think as Mothers, it is too easy to look past all you do that is wonderful, loving, amazing and just see what yuo don't do, or worse, compare yourself to the neighbor across the street, the friend from highschool, or the actress who plays a mother on TV but in reality doesn't even have a child.
Also, lets face it, being a mother of a boy is HaRd!!!! I butt heads with my son 20 times more than I do any of my girls.
Hang in there, your little girl is still "new" to your son, and he WILL adjust.
Great comment aboveouTou are a great mom and you have a lot more patience
ReplyDeletethan I do. Isaac is a sweet boy, I think the fighting
or talking back is his way of getting his independance in a way.
I've noticed with my girls it happens right before kindergarten. I'm going through
similar things with Kisten. They'll be ok :)
Hey Jeanna.. Your such GOOD WRITER, I cant wait to read more of your thoughts. I kinda went through something similar with Xander when Eliza was born. He got aggressive with me yelled at me and started acting out really bad. I was talking to a mom of 5 and asked her how she managed it and she gave me the most amazing piece of advice that helped me and seriously changed the world around me. She told me that all I have to do is everyday set time aside for Xander. whenever it was that Eliza took her longest nap I would spend that time doing something that Xander wanted to do, even though I had a million other things to do (Housework, laundry ect.) all of that could wait. So we would spend her afternoon nap playing with trains, coloring, painting, watching a movie together, doing whatever he chose to do that day, and everything else would wait. and then I realized that he was just feeling replaced by his little sister and all he wanted was to have that time away from her and with me. It seriously changed my world. but, if you need any help or you want some play time with Isaac and you need a break from Kaylee call me, Ill be glad to come over and tend to Kaylee while you play with isaac!
ReplyDeleteNo parent is perfect. There are no such things as Super Mom's although I swear they are all around me. We each have our struggles and they are all different but the same. Each of us was sent our children for a reason...because we were the only one that could help them through this life they way they needed to be helped. That is why other peoples children drive us crazy.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your friend Kat, take some time each day to spend just with Isaac. He is acting out because negative attention is still attention. And don't argue with him even if his is wrong. He is arguing with you for attention. If you said the sky was blue, he would say it was green just to get you to argue with him. Pick your battles, if it's not worth it just smile and say "whatever" and walk away.
And I hate to tell you this but he will NEVER listen to you. Boys associate with their fathers and for some reason they will only listen to them. I don't understand it that's just the way it is. So you need your husband to back you up and tell Isaac that if he treats you badly he will have to deal with him. Your husband has to take the lead in that respect.
As far as being the boss of him you can just tell him what I tell my kids, "I am the boss of you, Heavenly Father gave me to you to take care of, so if you don't like it take it up with him." Then just leave it at that, if he tries to argue just walk away.
You are a GREAT MOM!!! I can tell just by the way you talk about them. Don't sell yourself short. You just need to get orginized, set some boundies and some routines and most of all put yourself into time out sometimes.
Olive Osmond once said "It's not selfish to take care of yourself. So while you are busy rising and taking care of your family remember to take care of YOU!"
Just keep lovin' him the way you do - you guys'll be fine. Your heart is in the right place and kids just know that! He's safe with you and that's why he can argue with you. And who knows - maybe at 16 he will start listening to you... That's a miracle I've experienced and it's pretty amazing! Just make sure when you cry, you don't do it in front of him! Wouldn't want him to be embarrassed. :) Keep up your wonderful work! Love ya! (And Heck Ya!~ You have to take care of yourself!!! You can't be there for them if your YOU-ness gets squashed!)
ReplyDelete